Everyone has heard of the terrible twos; they’re mentioned with dread by parents with young children. But what are the terrible twos and what makes them so potentially ‘terrible?’
When Can the Terrible Twos Hit?
This question is not as silly as you think. Parents often observe a noticeable change in their child’s behaviour when they reach the age of around two years old. However, the developmental stage which is labelled the ‘terrible two’s’ doesn’t necessarily have to start when children are two years old. Parents can expect to see noticeable changes in behaviour potentially earlier than two years old; in some cases, even before their first birthday.
What Do the Terrible Twos Look Like?
The terrible twos are usually characterised by clear and potentially dramatic changes in mood and even outright toddler temper tantrums, which can be frequent in children around this age. These moods are often accompanied by a battle for power, as children struggle with their reliance on their parents and their desire for independence. Parents are often met with screaming, crying and even the potential of punching, kicking, hitting and biting.
Why Do Children Go Through the Terrible Twos?
These tantrums may occur because children at this age don’t have the emotional vocabulary to express how they’re feeling and why they’re feeling that way. Children often turn to anger and aggression to voice their frustration with people and situations, with no malice intended.
When children reach the terrible twos, anger is not an act of outright defiance but rather a demonstration of their frustration with their inability to voice emotions and a desire to express their newfound independence. Children around the age of two years old will often struggle to forge their independence and are frustrated by the lack of skills they have to do so.
When a child feels this way, a parent will usually be faced with a screaming, biting, raging, punching and crying child. In the face of this it can be challenging to keep our composure and remember who the adult is.
How Do I Deal with The Terrible Twos?
During the terrible twos, children may struggle to collaborate and engage with other children and thus, playing together can be a real challenge. Really, anything can set a child off during this emotionally unstable but important period of their development. When you see your child heading towards a meltdown, the first thing to do is remain calm.
It can be easy for us to start to panic and worry about how this tantrum may escalate. However, it is key to take a few deep breaths and approach the situation with a level head.
When you see your child beginning to get frustrated or even angry, the best thing you can do is try to redirect their attention. This could be in the form of a song, their favourite game, a story, really anything that will distract them from what is making them so frustrated. If that doesn’t work just ignore them, go about another activity and wait for them to calm down.
Toddler Tantrums in Public
If you’re in public, the best thing to do to avoid a scene is to quickly but calmly remove your child from the situation. Pull them aside without fuss to allow them to calm down. Avoid tricky situations like shopping with your child during what should be their normal nap times. They are much more likely to have a meltdown when your child is in need of a nap.
Remember, positive reinforcement is one of the best things you can do for your child. Be consistent and enthusiastic with your praise so that your child knows what behaviour will be rewarded.
Be Kind to Yourself
This can be a really challenging stage of development for both parents and children. Remember to be kind to yourself, it’s very easy to look back on situations and tell yourself all the things you did wrong. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. But remember that you’re only human and that you’re doing your best. It can be upsetting to see your child so distraught but try to remember that the best thing you can do is stay calm.
